Singing in my sleep (again)

I awoke this morning with Poison’s "Something to believe in" in my head.

Perhaps needless to say, this makes me uncomfortable. Sure, I went to high school in the 1980’s, so my brain is littered with fragments of hair-band anthems and images of red-zebra-striped spandex, so I can’t be surprised that one of those soundtrack-to-wine-coolers-chugged-in-Bernie’s-Chevy-Malibu would float up to consciousness again---but there are a lot of songs from that era that I would like to hear again, if only on the radio in my mind: “Never Use Love” by Ratt, which I can’t recall the melody of but I remember enjoying, or even “Way Cool Jr.” from the third album. (I fear that having typed that line, you’re now thinking, “Way lame, junior.”) I hated the first Cinderella album, but the second, Long Cold Winter, had some genuinely good songs---that’s right, I said it, “Bad Seamstress Blues/Falling Apart at the Seams” is a ringer.) There are even a few Motley Crue songs that I’d be willing to hum for a day or two without getting too annoyed. But Poison? They’re an uninvited guest, and had I not been asleep, I never would have let them through the door.

I tried to isolate the hole in my mental firewall where Brett and C.C. could have snuck through, as Poison doesn’t appear on my radar very often. Perhaps a couple of weeks back, when there was a house party in my neighborhood that featured a live garage band performing a baritone version of “Every Rose has its Thorn” to the delight of the Pabst-marinated crowd. (My daughter and I went on a pilgrimage to see/hear the band, but found the police breaking up the party right after that song. I like to think it had less to do with the volume as the song selection, that neighbors might have tolerated a robust rendition of Judas Priest’s “Devil’s Child”, but couldn’t stand that flimsy ballad for fear it would be followed up by something by Warrant.)(Who were just as bad as Poison in my book, though their “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” was good enough to avoid a gong.)

But that can’t be the source, because it was the wrong song, and “Every Rose” wouldn’t bring to mind the faux-blue-collar ballad of “Something to Believe in”, it would make me think of “Unskinny Bop” (which I can’t say without continuing in my head, “bop-bop-bop-bop”.) I don’t listen to 80’s radio, I’m too broke to shop so I know I can’t blame Muzak, so I wondered---who planted this demon audio seed?

Then I remembered that I watched some of the Republican convention last week---wouldn’t it be just like them to play that song as a lead in or a follow-up to one of their speakers, demonstrating their connection to my generation of voters? I may be falsely accusing the GOP, but the pieces fit with surprising ease. Funny, had they opted for Ratt, they might have gotten my attention---but Poison? No vote for you!